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May. 22nd, 2012

Number One

Happy Birthday, E

Last year at this time, I was in a hospital room, waiting for E to be born.  W was there, of course, as was Sundesha.  I felt like I'd been in labor for weeks, months, ages, eons.  I was so ready to be done, and yet, things weren't happening quickly enough.

If things had gone the way they were supposed to have gone, if E hadn't gotten stuck and needed to be extracted, today would have been her birthday.  She was born on May 23 instead, at 1:23 am.  They pulled her out of me, and stitched me back up.  My blood pressure went too low, and I had a nasty case of the post-anesthesia shakes. They whisked her away to NICU to make her breathe. Later, I got to see her, but I was shaking too much to hold her.  I ached to hold her, but I petted her instead.

In the morning, after a couple of hours of sleep, I woke up and felt unpregnant, and the nurse came and wheeled me down to see her.   She had tubes in her nose and an IV in her arm, and she was attached by wires to all sorts of monitoring machines.  But she was awake, and the nurse handed her to me.  She and I just stared at each other, and I felt like I'd known this tiny person forever.

"Looks like two people are falling in love with each other," a nurse said, as she walked by.

"Yes," I said, without looking up.  "Yes we are."

Almost a year later, that same tiny person is standing at the coffee table, waving around a piece of paper and saying, "NAN-AN-NANAN."  She doesn't know it, but the piece of paper is the instructions for the musical ride-on toy she's getting for her birthday tomorrow.

Here's to another year with the coolest person I've ever met.  Happy birthday, E.

Aug. 27th, 2011

I Has a Broccoli

Everyone Says

Everyone says that time speeds up when you have kids.  It hasn't yet.  Maybe that happens later.  Pretty E is three months old now, and it seems like she has been our baby for one hundred years.  I keep thinking, only three months?  It's not that I want her to grow up faster or anything. 

Everyone also says that having a kid will make me feel old.  This is only true because when I put her on her little play mat and sit down next to her, when I try to stand up, I am all, "Eh!  Me achin' bones!"

Everyone says, "Oh, you don't even understand what it's going to be like when you have the baby!" Motherhood, so far, has been pretty much like I expected it would be. I love her more than anything else in the entire world, just like I knew I would.

The other day W and I were in bed, waking up for the day.  I could hear Pretty E in her crib making her wakeup sounds, so I went and got her, and the three of us cuddled in bed for a little while.  That was a perfect moment.

I hope there are lots more like that.

Jul. 19th, 2011

Number One

Writer's Block: A novel idea

Which book would you want to see turned into a videogame?

A Tale of Two Cities: Avoid getting executed for treason, twice!  Bonus points for all the dead bodies you dig up and sell.

On the Road: This would have to be one of those driving games with a steering wheel.

Les Miserables: Sell your teeth!

Clockwork Orange: Beat women with dildoes, my droog.

Eats, Shoots, and Leaves: Punctuate everything correctly.

Jun. 8th, 2011

Sup Broccolis


So, I have a baby.

Most of the time, when I'm with the baby, it just seems normal: she cries, and I pick her up.  She poops, and I change her diaper.  She stares at me with that inscrutable newborn gaze, and I gaze back.  It all comes quite naturally. 

Until I say, "So, I have a baby."  And then it seems weird.  

Last week, J surprised me by showing up on my doorstep wearing a pig costume.  She and Gizmo had driven here from PA without telling me they were coming.  It occurred to me that, a year ago, if someone had told me that there would be a photo of me holding my baby and standing next to J, who was wearing a pig costume, I would have thought it was surreal.

Incidentally, exactly a year ago, my mom died.

Today was kind of a rough day.  But now the baby is in her swing, covered up with the pretty blanket with her name embroidered on it, and she's making faces while she falls asleep.  I wouldn't trade her for anything, not even my mom.

Jan. 22nd, 2008

Number One

New Vibrator!